YerJoking

Bust yer gut laughin'

Breakfast

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee for breakfast?"

He declines. "Thanks for offering, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

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Dispute Between Neighbors

This is a true story...

A town councilor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the land below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.

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Blonde Bet

Bob, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

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My Living Will

Last night, my friend and I were watching the news. There was a story about a woman who was in the hospital on life support.

After the story, I thought for a moment and said to my friend:

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

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New Cowboy Boots

A middle-aged couple, Joanne and Bob, moved to Texas. Bob had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"

Joanne looked him over. "Nope" was all she said, and went back to what she was doing.

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Electra Complex

A blonde woman goes to a psychiatrist to try to work out her relationship problems, complaining of a long string of bad boyfriends.

After a few sessions, the psychiatrist determines the problem.

"You are suffering form what is technically known as an 'Electra Complex,'" the psychiatrist informs her. "In other words, you are in love with your father."

The woman breaks down into hysterical sobbing.

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Read the entire joke at: Electra Complex